That Pittsy Fellow

A conversation that arose the other night, after seeing the TROY trailer on Channel V's Ticketeer program.

DAD: That Troy movie looks pretty interesting.
LYNN: (With much enthusiasm) Oh yeah, it's a fabulous film.
DAD: You've watched it already?
LYNN: Yep.
DAD: Well, maybe when your mom gets back from Europe, we can all watch it together.
LYNN: (Thinking to self) A double dose of Brad Pitt? Yay.
JASON: But mom always falls asleep in the middle of movies. She fell asleep in the middle of The Return of the King and slept through the entire battle scene with the orcs.
LYNN: That's because she got all the hobbits mixed up and couldn't tell which was which, and so she got bored, I think.
DAD: Well maybe she won't fall asleep in the middle of this one. (Pauses) Since there's all those muscley men. Like that Pittsy fellow.

~*~

Haha, Pittsy fellow. Good one, Dad. So anyways, after watching it last weekend, here's the obligatory Troy review. Hey, you knew it was coming.


Firstly, I knew from reading the blogs of some fellow Xangans that Brad Pitt's behind was going to be rather, um, exposed in this film. But I didn't expect to see it three minutes into the movie! Not that I'm complaining or anything, mind you. Siri and I may have nearly spilled our popcorn because of the early and very abrupt appearance of Brad Pitt's buff behind, but I'm not complaining, nosiree. Anyways, moving on. I know that there has been a lot of controversy and complaints surrounding the movie and how it doesn't follow Homer's Iliad word-for-word, but c'mon, people. What were you expecting? I don't think very many 21st century viewers would really buy into that whole "Ho ho, I'm feeling vengeful, so let's strike everyone down with thunderbolts" attitude of the ancient Greek gods, now, do you? This film's an adaptation, not a precise recounting of the longest poem ever to be written in all of history. I don't think any director would have been able to condense an epic poem of the Iliad's proportions down to a 3-hour film, and manage to satisfy everybody. Besides, I think having Greek gods in the film would have made it rather cheesy, what with the thunderbolts and excessive CGI effects. So if you were highly disappointed that there weren't any sea nymphs or sea serpents popping out from under the sea, tough luck. Go rent The Little Mermaid, if you want to see that sort of stuff.


I've never really cared much for Eric Bana (maybe because I've never really cared much for The Hulk), but I really like how he portrayed Hector's character in the film. What an ideal hero figure. Loving husband and father, devoted son, honorable warrior - he's the sort of guy all Trojan dudes must have endeavored to be like. Too bad I can't say the same for his wimp of a brother, Paris. I feel kind of bad for Orlando Bloom, having to play that Paris character. As if people don't give him enough crap already for being a pretty-boy type actor, he went off and starred as Paris, the nauseatingly naive, rather selfish, and "Oh, I'm so in love with you, Helen. Let's run away and live off of nuts and twigs, and the fruits of our loins!" character. Sorry for the biting comment, but Siri and I were seriously irked by Paris. I suppose this means that Orlando Bloom played his character really well, then, if he was able to irk us that much. After all, under normal circumstances, we generally heart Orlando Bloom's characters very much. (But have no fear, Orli, we still heart you!)


Yes, Brad Pitt has a nice behind. Yes, Brad Pitt looks great in a skirt. And yes, Brad Pitt is hot. But we all knew that already, now didn't we? What surprised me was that he acted really well in this film. He literally WAS Achilles. He totally nailed that holier-than-thou arrogance and in-your-face conceitedness, yet he still managed to bring a certain sense of humanity to his character, something that I think is missing somewhat from Homer's Achilles. And what about that duel scene between Achilles and Hector? Talk about some seriously cool footwork!




Peter O'Toole is a living cinematic legend. And man, does he have a pair of really, really blue eyes. I think my favorite quote by him in this film was when he and Achilles are talking after Hector's death, and Priam asks Achilles for a proper burial for his son. Yeah, I'm talking about that "And I am your enemy tonight" quote. Quite a powerful one, me thinks.


Now, for the ladies. Ooh la la, they were tres hot, indeed. Diane Kruger (with her excessive eyeliner and all) played Helen well, but Siri and I were really taken with Rose Byrne, who starred as the thankfully non-sterotypical, non-Hollywood-A-List-actress-looking Briseis. We felt that she was really befitting for the character and couldn't imagine anyone else playing her. I know, I know, Achilles isn't supposed to fall in love with Hector's cousin in the Iliad, but if Achilles was able to be at peace with everything in the end because of Briseis, then so be it. Lalalala, and they could've lived happily ever after, too. But too bad Achilles had to go and die in the end. Damn you, Paris. It's all your fault. I hope you and Helen rot in the middle of the River Styx for all eternity. Boooo.


In a nutshell, Troy rocked. Who cares if it didn't follow the Iliad one hundred percent. It's a movie, not a documentary. Go read the Iliad, if you want historical and literary accuracy, but watch Troy if you want some good ol' popcorn entertainment (and lots of eye candy). So hoorah for Troy... and that Pittsy fellow, too!

~*~

I finally developed my really old roll of film from last November when I met Malachi Cush at Emporium. I look positively anemic.



Oh hey, and isn't this Crazy Beautiful song by Hanson just awesome? I can't seem to get it out of my head.


Doo doo di doo da doo.