Oh Pernicious Crab, How I Loathe Thee

On Saturday, we took my parents' Floridian friends to Somboon Restaurant, which is located along Ratchadapisek Road (right at the Huay Kwang subway station). If you didn't know already, Ratchadapisek is a long avenue that's somewhat notorious for its great abundance in clubs and discos, massage (sex) parlors, and karaoke (sex) lounges. Ahem. So anyways, along the way, we passed by Major Cineplex (a big cinema conglomerate here in Thailand) where a humungous Troy banner, portraying Brad Pitt (!) and Orlando Bloom in full-fledged armor, was waving triumphantly in the afternoon wind. This gave the striking impression of rippling muscles a la Popeye after taking a big gulp of spinach. Or maybe it was just my imagination. I don't know.

LYNN: Look over there. It's a massage parlor called... Poseidon?
JASON: Poseidon was a Greek god.
LYNN: I know that.
JASON: He was God of the Sea and went around seducing all the sea nymphs.
LYNN: I didn't know that.
JASON: Yeah, apparently he had a lot of love affairs and was very popular with the ladies. You know how those Greek gods were like.
LYNN: Yeah, well, Poseidon Smosheidon. Brad Pitt is thee only bona fide Greek god as far as I'm concerned.


If you look to the image at your left, you'll see a map of the variety of establishments along Ratchadapisek. Now, what's up with all those Roman/Greek-inspired names? Poseidon? New Cleopatra? Caesars? Hmmm...


So Somboon Restaurant makes really good seafood. So good, in fact, that Japan's Prime Minister Koizumi has even dined there in the past, and they even had a couple of pictures of him (hip hair and all) and other members of Bangkok's social elite shaking hands with the restaurant owners. I noticed that there was a large number of Chinese and Japanese people there (mostly tourists, I believe), and so it was kind of surreal hearing more conversations in Mandarin and Japanese than in Thai. In fact, with the exception of the waiters and waitresses, I didn't hear anyone else around our table speaking Thai at all.


The fact that Somboon Restaurant is located amidst bright, flashing massage parlors and other such joints is quickly forgotten as soon as one gets a taste of their pad pu pong karee. That's crab meat with eggs and curry powder, in case you were wondering. Now, doesn't that sound just dandy? My parents' friends loved the food, and in between shoveling food into our mouths, we also shared a lot of good conversation and laughs. Unfortunately, their son and my culinary partner in crime, Chris, couldn't make the trip this time because he was really busy with school. (He just got accepted to Harvard Business School! Mr. Smarty Farty Pants!)


On the way home, we split up with my dad because he had to drop his friends off at the Westin Grande Hotel along Sukhumvit 19. Traffic was a killer on the way back, and as we sat motionless in traffic, listening to one of my self-made teenybopper CDs (hey, just don't tell anyone else, OK?), a rather sketchy-looking fella with a very unsteady gait came toppling towards us. He held up a dirty rag and tilted his head to one side - a wordless inquiry as to whether or not we wanted our windshield wiped down. My mom shook her head since our maid, P'Sai, had just washed our car that morning. Evidently, this pissed him off. A lot. He went to the front of the car, wrapped his hand around the Mercedes logo, and glared at us, as if threatening to yank it off. Whoa! "Money! He wants money!" I screeched, stating the obvious. My mom opened the window, called out to him, and he snatched the 50 baht bill from my mom before tumbling on over to another Mercedes parked a couple of cars behind us. The exact same thing happened, with Mr. Sketchy grabbing the Mercedes logo and threatening to yank it off again. Well, apparently the owner of the car didn't fork the money over quickly enough or didn't take the guy seriously enough, because this time Mr. Sketchy really DID rip off the Mercedes logo! And then he ran off and disappeared into the night.

Sheer craziness. But alas, it's just another night in Bangkok.


Gloomy, rainy Saturday evening clouds and traffic along Viphavadee-Rangsit and Ratchadapisek Road.


It's the elephant building! Check out his tusks.

~*~

On Sunday, we had dinner at the Menam Riverside Hotel along the Chaophraya River. As expected, the view of the river and glittering lights were splendiferous. I, however, cannot say the same about the food. While it tasted ok-ok, the crab gave me food poisoning! The Menam Hotel's famous for their excellent dim sum, but avoid the crab at all costs, people! As a result, I have wasted the entire day today puking and hurling my guts out, and my face is presently a faint tint of green. Yeah, not very attractive at all. I'm trying to be all optimistic about it, like the way Bridget Jones was when she came to Thailand, had a bad case of food poisoning, and cheerfully figured that it would help her shed any unwanted pounds. But such mentality isn't working with me. I'm sorry, but vomiting just isn't my idea of a good time, even though such a prospect would make some bullemic girls joyous beyond belief.


Speaking of green things and the state of being green, this reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my younger nephews a few weeks ago. You see, I have an aunt who is a devoted drinker of chlorophyll, which is apparently supposed to be really good in, uh, helping with fecal movement and all that... stuff. So, anyways, one way or another, by which I haven't the slightest clue, she managed to get (con) my nine-year old nephew into trying it. I have personally never tried the stuff before, because, dude, it's... CHLOROPHYLL. Anyways, the conversation:

NEPHEW: P'Lynn, my poop's green!
LYNN: Green?
NEPHEW: Yeah, because I had the chlorophyll stuff that Sa Kow told me to have.
LYNN: Well, uh, congratulations?
NEPHEW: It's so squishy when it comes out now, but it smells bad.
LYNN: You don't say? Well, maybe if you go stand outside in the sunlight for a few hours, you'll be able to photosynthesize.
NEPHEW: (Pensively) I know what that is. It's when plants make their own food.
LYNN: That's right!
NEPHEW: (Excitedly) I think I'm going to use that idea for my science project next year! Thanks P'Lynn! It's going to be sooo cool! I'm going to have the COOLEST project!

(Silence)

LYNN: Honey, I was joking. I don't think Sa Kow's chlorophyll drink will be able to help you photosynthesize in the sun.
NEPHEW: What? Oh.

Man, the kid looked so crushed. I felt so bad; it was like telling him Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy aren't real.

~*~

On a final note, I finally got broadband! Feel that breeze, baby! I'm practically sailing through cyberspace here! Wheee!

If anyone needs me, I'll be in my little virtual vortex, downloading my ass away with my best friend, Kazaa. Or I'll be in the bathroom with my face hovering precariously over the toilet bowl, puking my brains out, no thanks to Menam Hotel's baneful crab, consarnit.