The Voices In My Head

Ramblings of a Bangkokian Girl

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Vroom, Vroom!

Though many people may beg to differ, I have been safely and proficiently driving the streets of Bangkok for nearly three years now. I remember how, way back in the day, I would crawl through Bangkok traffic, terrified of knocking over one of the dozens of newspaper and garland sellers as I'd clutch the steering wheel in white-knuckled terror. I used to sit with my nose about three inches away from the windshield and would squint with hawk-eyed acuity at the traffic before me, trying to keep a look-out for all the whizzing motorcycles. Nowadays, however, I slither through it all like a regular pro. But lemme knock on wood before continuing any further.


I got my very overdue driver's license renewed the other day. It was about time, goshdarnit. After all, I've been cruising around Bangkok on an expired driver's license for the past seven months now. Yes, that's right, seven months; that baby expired way back in October! Oooh, what a wild life I live, huh. Yeah, baby. Lynn c'est une tres wild punk rebel, constantly living on the edge with her seven-months overdue driver's license. Ooooh.


Blue, pink, and yellow lines are not part of actual driver's license, though it'd be cool to be able to decorate and beautify one's license as one sees fit. Those lines were scratched in by yours truly, courtesy of Microsoft Paint's wonderful little paint tool. What, didn't your mother ever tell you not to give out your address and personal info to strangers? Yes, I thought so too.



I realize I look a bit like a convicted criminal in that pic. OK, A LOT like a convicted criminal. All that's missing is the tousled hair, black eye and height chart behind me, and this might as well be my mug shot.


The pic was taken a couple of months ago on a bad-hair-day during exam week (obviously, since I'm still in my university uniform and all ). I remember stumbling out of the exam hall and heading towards the Kodak shop across the street from my uni to take the pic, intending to head to the Ministry of Transportation afterwards to renew my license. Obviously, I ended up heading for bed instead, putting the whole renewing my license thing on hold for many months as I am apt to do because I am the world's biggest procrastinator. Anyways, exams... that obviously explains my listless, rather apathetic expression - a sort of, "Hello! Anyone alive in there?" look (and telling from this picture, obviously not). Well, hey, don't look so smug. You wouldn't look so hot either if you'd only gotten thirty minutes of sleep the night before. Humph.


Oh well, everyone has been victim to the crappy ID pic once or twice (or more) before in their lives, right? Everyone knows that passport pics and driver's license pics are SUPPOSED to be unfair representations of oneself. It's like, a rule... or something. In fact, I bet Britney Spears and all the other beautiful Hollywood people have sucky driver's license pics, too.


(Well, except for maybe Nicole Kidman. I don't think she can even take a bad picture. It's, like, physically impossible for her.)


Anyways, I filled out the little renewal form, took a number from the counter, and waited patiently for my number to be called. Because I was bored, I let my nosiness get the better of me and ended up killing time by pretending to mind my own business whilst coincidentally overhearing stealthily eavesdropping on other people's conversations.


There was this chick about my age who was sitting with her dad in the row before me. Telling from their conversation, they were waiting for the results of the written part of the examination to see if she was all set to go for the practical part of the exam outside by the parking lot area.


(Note: Their conversation wasn't in English or anything, but I've just translated it for your convenience. See how nice I am?)

Terrified Chick: What if I didn't pass?
Terrified Chick's Dad: You did pass. Don't worry.
TC: But what if I didn't?
TC's Dad: You DID.
TC: Okay, but even if I passed the written part, what if I fail the practical part?
TC's Dad: You won't. (sounds rather irritated at this point)
TC: But WHAT IF?
TC's Dad: Then we'll bribe one of the officials.
TC: You will?!
TC's Dad: Of course. (smugly) I have connections.
TC: (whining) Then why do I even have to TAKE the practical part? You can just bribe them now and save me the hassle of having to take the practical exam.
TC's Dad: (appalled expression on face) Because then it'll look bad if you don't even try!


Ahhh, Thailand, the land of bribery and rosy-tinted shadiness. I know this sort of thing goes on all the time, but I couldn't help but feel slightly peeved with TC and her father's corrupting ways. I mean, most people have to take that stupid practical exam over and over and over again before they can finally pass it and receive their very hard-earned license (well, for me at least), and here comes Miss TC with her father who's filled to the ears with connections. She can waltz right through the practical exam, knock over a dozen cones, run through ten red lights, park a meter away from the curb during the evil, EVIL parallel parking bit of the practical exam, and pass just like that. How unfair is that?


But such is life. No one ever said life was fair.


And in case you were wondering, no, I didn't knock over a dozen cones, run through ten red lights, or park a meter away from the curb during the parallel parking part of the practical exam. At least not the second time, I didn't. (I might've done so the first time, though.)


Yes, that's right, folks. I had to take the practical exam twice because I plain sucked at parallel parking. Imagine my horror when the instructor dude actually took out a RULER and measured to see just how far away I was from the curb.


Mr. Anal Instructor With Wooden Ruler: You're two centimeters over the limit.
Lynn: Wha?
Mr. AIWWR: Two centimeters. You gotta retake the test next week.
L: (sputtering) B-b-b-but!
Mr. AIWWR: (tapping wooden ruler against thigh with dictator-like severity)
L: But it's TWO centimeters!
Mr. AIWWR: One centimeter I might be able to overlook, but two? No, sorry.
L: (thinking to self) I hope your stupid, baneful ruler falls apart into a million pieces and gets scattered to opposite ends of the earth. No, scratch that. I hope they scatter to opposite ends of the universe! HA! Let's see you try to measure how far away from the curb I am now!
Mr. AIWWR: Can you move along now? There are people waiting behind you.
L: (sulkily) Ka, yes sir.



So I failed the parallel parking bit the first time, but I totally rocked it the second time. I practiced, and practiced, and practiced. I scuffed my tires a million times against every single last curb in my moo ban that week, but it was all worth it in the end because I finally passed the second time. HA! Take that Mr. AIWWR!


~*~



This sort of swerves off topic, but yes, this verifies my theory about Hollywood people being capable of possessing crappy ID picitude.


It's the infamous mug shot.

"Child molester?? Wha, me?
Ape in disguise as pop star? That sounds more like it."



How did oh-so-hip-and-happening Michael of the Thriller and Beat It days mutate into this terrifying freak of nature? I mean, freak of plastic? He looks really surprised, or maybe his plastic surgeon stretched his skin and eyebrows a little too far north? Sigh, poor Michael. Anyways, the moral of the story? Don't feel bad about your heinous ID pics, everyone. You're not the only one out there suffering such an injustice.






19 Comments:

  • At 5:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Isn't there a way to turn the music off?

     
  • At 1:31 PM, Blogger mati said…

    is it me or does your site get better each time i see it?
    anyways..so i'm headed back to thailand at the end of this month (may 24?)..we should meet up and you can show me your awesome parallel parking schools..i'll bring a ruler so i can tap dat curb

    oh..and i will of course show you what crappy ID picture-taking is all about...eyes closed, nothing but face =)

     
  • At 11:59 PM, Blogger gordsellar said…

    Hey there! Great format update.

    Well, are the drivers in Bangkok as bad as here? I started cycling again after that hiatus due to a broken finger (from an accident with a moron driver) and you know, on the very day I began riding again, I almost got into three accidents. A taxi very literally almost killed me. My friend and bandmate Myoung Jae tells me that this is just life as normal around Jeonju. But the sad thing is people don't even need to bribe their way into having licenses here. Almost everyone sucks at driving, so everyone is okay. Argh!

    Anyway, your site looks lovelier all the time. Glad you enjoyed the 12 med students joke... :)

     
  • At 12:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    kudos on the new layout.

    i drove in thailand once. man quite a task, avoiding all the 3409734074 million things swerving through the streets. whew.

    yeah, corruption really bugs me in thailand. thats the only reason thailand has not become more of a superpower in asia, because of corruption. things like singapore stuffing money down thai reps everytime they propose to build a shipping canal... and so and so on...


    haha sorry too much geek talk. didn't mean to write an essay.

    nice ID btw. =)

     
  • At 12:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    the last anonymous was Bo btw. =P

     
  • At 1:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Omg, nice new pinky! And omg, if i didn't pay close enough attention to your ID I would have thought that you ..uh...died. Really! The "วันสิ้นอายุ" (Expiration Date, I hope) is sorta miss leading I suppose. But the picture is not sucha torturing sight, c'mon, pleasant, in fact.

    Tululu~
    Jimmy

     
  • At 4:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I had to look twice! i thought i clicked on the wrong link, this lay out looks great! I wanted to change my lay out too, but I am too lazy. :p

    speaking about ID, I have to pick up my ID tomorrow! I went to the municipality last week and I had two choice's (well and what kind of choices):
    1: take the ugly bad hair day picture and my head zoomed in 200%
    or
    2: my three best friends: pimple, acne and zit
    so i picked for the first one and now I am stuck with that darn thing for 5 years. ughhhh..

    Anonymous 4 aka POEH

     
  • At 6:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    nice layout... the id isnt that bad!! its pretty decent compared to someone of the ones ive seen hahaa... mines is kinda crappy to, but i mean what else would you expect at 830am?? but yea the picture of michael does make every horrible id picture look better. congrats on driving bangkok like a pro... i still get horrified whenever i sit with my uncle driving even though he has been driving there for who knows how many years. the last time i was in thailand i was even more horrified when my uncle was busy and my dad decided to take up the wheel in the streets of bangkok. not to scary right?? except for the fact that he hasnt driven in thailand for 30 yrs!! im so glad we only have to take driving tests once in our life time. i think id fail it if i had to retake it!! haha.. gotta go study my mandarin and dream of special tutoring dates with jay!!

    ~may

     
  • At 7:22 AM, Blogger SpygirL said…

    Hey I like the new layout...pretty pink tone, love it love it! Your photo i.d. looks cute! and I agree that Nicole Kidman always looks great ;)

    PS. I hate driving (to work) unless it's a roadtrip ;)

     
  • At 8:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi thanks for commenting on my weblog ... yeh I lived in ChiangMai for 5 months, in June I'll be flying into Bangkok, before moving upto ChiangMai for 2 years

     
  • At 8:43 AM, Blogger Tom said…

    woops sorry about the anonymous comment ... the above was me:P

     
  • At 11:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey. This site changed huh? Well I think your picture looks fine. Just like any ID picture haha. Funny how you drove in Thailand for 7 months without a license.. I'd get so nervous if I had to do that...

    Take Care -GunThai

     
  • At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    WThell? Omg, I have to have a blogger id to post comments now? Oh well, heya Lynn. This is Bruce (anti-hero) and I'm glad you are able to chuckle at my ever expanding marsupial pouch, it at least can make a lady laugh.

    I like the layout, except for the anonymous posting bit. I enjoyed making it known that I am the Anti-Hero making thses random comments.

    That practical part of your driver's test sounds like murder. I've been driving for over a decade and still can't parallel park to the perfection of staying within a centimeter or two of the curb. Reminds me of my driver's practical test, I basicly sped to fast, made sharp turns, amd almost ran a red light. Wierd part, I passed and didn't even have to bribe anybody, except my mom to drive me there and do some chores for awhile.

    Haha... speaking of mugshots, my most awful i.d card picture ever was for the Marines. They told us we couldn't smile in those pictures so I was basicly grimacing and the picture came out looking like I was on the can for to long. Horrible I tell you, horrible!

     
  • At 6:24 AM, Blogger Daisy P said…

    2 centimeters?!!!! that is soooo messed up! haha and YES id pictures are THE worst. i refuse to show mine to anyone and i'd planned to get a new picture taken about 4 years ago...

    i'm amazed by anyone who has the balls to drive in thailand...eek. maybe that guy wanted a bribe. you shoulda offered him look chin or soemthing. haha

     
  • At 6:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    woo~ nice layout!!...
    i havent even get my driving license.. heh heh.. juz turned 18 this yr~....
    looking forward to getting mine too.. hope the pic dont turn out bad.. ^^

    :+:xxandros aka magg:+:

     
  • At 8:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    MJ is uber talented, but he's screwed up his face in so many ways :-|

    -monstermarlo

     
  • At 1:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    LoL that whole scenario is so funny! I'm glad you got your new license though :) ID pics are just always soo bad but urs looks fine! I need to retake mine. When I took mine I was like 15, no make up, messed up hair, and dressed horribly because I just came from PE and running 2 miles at school *sigh*

    I love this new look too! It's great :)

     
  • At 1:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    that was me up there above :X - PAM

     
  • At 8:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I like the new set up, but the pink, well, hmmmmm. The floral motif in blue was cool, groovy and hip. pink just screams "hello, kitty". Here's some research on the "pink effect".

    One of the most interesting examples of color effects is Baker-Miller Pink - a color that's close to the bubble gum pink background color of this web page ( R:255, G:145, B:175) . Also known as “drunk tank pink,” this color is used to calm violent prisoners in jails. Dr. Alexander Schauss, Ph.D., director of the American Institute for Biosocial Research in Tacoma Washington, was the first to report the suppression of angry, antagonistic, and anxiety ridden behavior among prisoners: “Even if a person tries to be angry or aggressive in the presence of pink, he can't. The heart muscles can’t race fast enough. It’s a tranquilizing color that saps your energy. Even the color-blind are tranquilized by pink rooms.” 1 In spite of these powerful effects, there is substantial evidence that these reactions are short term. Once the body returns to a state of equilibrium, a prisoner may regress to an even more agitated state.

    To summarize, first it puts you to sleep, then it makes you angry!

     

Post a Comment

<< Home

 
<bgsound src="http://203.150.224.138/musicart//newmusicstation/sandra/ontower.swf" loop="infinite">