The Voices In My Head: Everything you gents have always wanted to know (and more)...

Check out the ceremony the Thai National army had this afternoon in commemoration of H.M. King Bhumibol Adulyadej's upcoming 76th birthday (Dec. 5).

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Check out all the pretty colors.

How do they manage to stand so still and so straight for so long? What do they do if they get the sudden urge to sneeze? What do they do if a fly decides to perch upon their nose?

H.M. King Bhumibol and H.M. Queen Sirikit

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I just got this from my cousin today. It's supposed to have been written by some Ted Kluck guy from the infamous Match.com. Because I'm a lazy ass and don't feel like starting on my report that's due this Thursday, I took the time to answer the questions. But to all the ladies out there, please feel free to contribute your own responses, lol.

[ 25 Questions Men Want to Ask Women ]
Ted Kluck, Match.com

It's time to come clean, gents.
Here and now, for all the world to see, I feel compelled to reveal all the questions men have crawling around in their heads - the questions we're desperate to have answered but scared to death to ask our women.

1. Why do you all wish we were more like John Cusack?
2. Do you or don't you want us to open the door for you? Just let us know, and we'll act accordingly.
3. How can you look so cute in pigtails?
4. Why the fascination with Harrison Ford? He's old enough to be your father, for crying out loud? Seriously.
5. When you ask "Does this look okay?" do you want honesty or support? We really can do both.
6. How can you complain endlessly about having "so much work to do" and then find the time to go shopping or talk to someone on the phone for two hours?
7. Do you ever get tired of watching The Sound of Music?
8. Why is each anniversary such a big deal to you? I'm not talking about yearly anniversaries, but our first date? Our first kiss? The first time I met your mother?
9. Do you think I'm better looking than Carson Daly?
10. How can you always remember those little things, like Great-Great Aunt Emma's birthday or the anniversary of Cousin Susie's dog's death?
11. Why do you always ask us questions when you already know the answers?
12. How can you always be up for going shopping?
13. Chest hair - good or bad?
14. Boxers or briefs? Be honest.
15. Why do you find it endearing when a guy's in love and won't take no for an answer in the movies, but in real life you call it stalking?
16. Why is it so easy for you to stop and ask directions?
17. How do you innately seem to know what can or can't go in the dryer?
18. Why do you always complain about your mothers and then end up talking to them for hours upon hours?
19. Why do you always go to the bathroom in groups?
20. Facial hair. Good or bad?
21. Looks or money?
22. When you ask, "If I died, would you remarry?" What exactly are you looking for?
23. If I died, would you remarry?
24. Does your dad like me? No, seriously.
25. How do you mange to be so cute, charming, silly, frustrating, beautiful, mysterious, complicated, simple and unbelievably interesting? No, seriously.

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[ And the answers... ]
1. Well, why do you all wish we were more like Angelina Jolie?

2. It's really nice to know that chivalry isn't dead in this day and age, but that's okay, thanks, I think I can manage the door myself.

3. I haven't worn pigtails since I was seven. I looked cute with pigtails then, but I would probably look like a pigtailed moron now.

4. Eh, Harrison Ford??? Who ever said I was fascinated with him? I admit I'm a sucker for John Cusack, but Harrison FORD? Erm, no, that's just wrong.

5. When girls ask "does this look okay?" you should let her mood dictate your answer. We women can take a beating or two, so, normally, you should be honest with us (Note: honest means gently honest). However, if it's that time of month, then you should be on alert. Has she been moping around stuffing her face with comfort food (i.e. chocolate, chips, cookies-and-cream ice-cream etc.) all day long? If so, then please, by all means, praise, gush, rave to her about her fan-freaking-tasticness (even if, because of a little something called PMS, she isn't quite so fan-freaking-tastic at that particular moment).

6. How can you even ask this?! You can never be too busy for shopping or the phone!

7. As much as I love The Sound of Music, yes, I do get tired of watching Julie Andrews and the Von Trapp children run around the Austrian countryside bellowing about how the hills are alive with the sound of music.

8. Hey, anniversaries are important!

9. Who cares about Carson Daly? I can't stand Carson Daly.

10. Well, Great-Great Aunt Emma and Cousin Susie's dog are awfully special to me, ya know.

11. Gee, I don't know. Do you know? (This isn't a trick question. Or is it? Bwahaha.)

12. Etched deeply in the intricate world of our XX chromosomes is The Shopping Gene. In Mendellian terms, The Shopping Gene is a rather complex and dominant gene that's rather difficult to suppress and ignore. So, sorry, we really can't help it if we tend to get occassional, irrepressible shopping impulses.

13. Errr...

14. Boxers, please.

15. Because in the movies, guys like Johnny Depp and Jude Law come across as romantically and helplessly in love, whereas in real life weird, stalker-like guys come across as, well, weird and stalker-like.

16. I don't see anything wrong with asking people for directions. You're lost, aren't you? Why waste precious time and gas puttering around like a fool in search of an obscure sign or road that might not even exist? I'm not ashamed to admit I wasn't born with an internal compass.

17. Having lived in a tropical country for nearly half my life, I've never used a dryer before. Therefore, I doubt I have any sort of innate sense of knowing what should or should not go into the dryer.

18. No matter how many mother-daughter fights you've had in the past, mommies are the ones who are always able to understand and forgive you and your foolish ways. That's why, even though we may bitch and moan about them from time to time, we still love them to bits.

19. We ladies flock to the bathroom in groups because primping in the company of other chicks is much more fun than solo-primping. The bathroom is also a great place for us to congregate and, as ashamed as I am to admit it, gossip (and rant).

20. Facial hair? If you mean a big bushy beard a la Tom Hanks during his cross-country marathon in Forrest Gump, then no. Hehe, I don't want to date a goat!

21. Looks over money? But what about personality?

22. What do you think we're looking for?

23. Heh, but I don't even know you.

24. He doesn't know you either.